Secrets
by liviesmith
Summary: Dan and Jess have feelings for each other, but will never tell... until a tragic event causes them to think differently. Finally finished please review!
1. Another Day's End

Chapter One- Another Day's End

It was the end of another hardworking, exhausting day at All Saints General Western Hospital, especially for the Emergency Department. Today they had received all eight casualties from a car crash, three seriously injured, a young man had shot two of his best mates and there had been a seemly higher amount of hypochondriacs through triage than normal. As the sun set and the shift finished, many staff walked out to their cars, looking forward to going home. Dan, a nurse there, leant thoughtfully onto a nearby fence and stared over the horizon.

It certainly had been one hectic day. Frank had been even more grumpy than usual for no apparent reason whatsoever, Vincent seemed to be in a bad mood, Charlotte had been short with him and Nelson appeared to be having some dramas of his own. Dan wondered to himself just what it would be like to have a peaceful life. Cate seemed to be stuck in the middle of some awkward love triangle and Von was having some family problems. And then, of course, there was Jess…

She walked past just now across the car park, long dark hair streaming down her back. She didn't even appear to see Dan- she seemed to be in a hurry. Dan watched thoughtfully as she let herself into her car and slowly drove away. Some days were easier than others. Jessica was one of Dan's closest colleagues and friends and they told a lot to each other, but there was one big thing Dan doubted he'd ever have the courage or bravery to admit to her. He doubted more that her feelings would be neutral or even on the same wavelength. Jess was way too good for him; she was out of his league. If he actually owned up to his feelings, he would put everything to risk, especially their friendship. Dan couldn't risk that. As much as it hurt, it was much safer to watch day by day, his feelings for her never changing…

Suddenly something startled him out of his daydream. As he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned to see none other than Jack Quade, one of his colleagues, who also worked in Emergency. His height was quite intimidating, but never less, slightly short Dan didn't feel threatened at all. For some strange reason, Jack was in a perfectly cheerful mood, a matter that no one could even begin to comprehend the reason for. He grinned and said happily: "Coming for a drink at Cougars, Dan?" Not in the mood, Dan shook his head. "Nah, not this time mate. Maybe another time." Slightly disappointed but not deterred, Jack responded with a nod of the head and hurried off quickly to ask others before they drove away. Dan seriously doubted he'd have any luck: everyone was tired, grouchy and worn down. All they'd probably feel like was takeaway, a video on the couch and then bed.

Now left alone, Dan drove home in silence, thinking about Jess. What could he do? He seriously felt like he couldn't keep it to himself any longer, but there was no way he could tell her. After all, she trusted him as a friend, and nothing more than that. It had been hard enough to see her going out with one of his best mates. Actually, it was hard to see her going out with anyone at all, especially if they didn't treat her right. He may have laughed about her ancient crush on Vincent, but secretly in his heart he wondered and almost wished: Why did it have to be Vincent? Why couldn't it be him, Dan? But she would just never like him. She saw him for what he was: childish, immature and not the slightest bit interesting or sophisticated. Little did she realise his joking antics were just to cover up his true feelings. It was all just a disguise he'd made up to hide what was really beneath.

With a sigh, Dan reached home and opened his door. He hated not having anyone to share a house with- it was so quiet and empty. After heating up a pizza and drinking a bottle of beer, Dan sat down to watch the football and was so tired and lost in thoughts that he fell fast asleep, his head buried in the pillow. It wasn't until 10.30 the next morning when the phone rang when he finally woke up.

Feeling very sleepy and a bit under the weather, the sound of Frank's angry voice was a rude wake up call. Dan held the phone away from his ear; Frank was shouting, so Dan could hear him loud and clear with the phone 30cm away from his ear. He felt really sick- his throat felt dry and his lips were cracked- he could barely breathe through his nose. He listened to Frank's ranting and carry on for some time. He couldn't really get a word in edgeways. At last, Frank yelled: "Explain yourself, Goldman! You better not have got wasted last night!"

"Frank…" Dan whispered. "Listen to me, I can barely speak. I'm sorry I didn't call you earlier but I doubt I can come into work today. I've just come over with the flu…" "Excuses, excuses!" tutted Frank. "I can not tolerate this, Goldman! One more sickie you don't bother to notify me about, you'll be out of my department, no mistakes, hear me?" "Yes Frank," Dan yawned. He then hung up. It wasn't that he didn't care; of course he didn't want to lose his job, but at the moment his head felt too heavy to think about much. He sank back into the couch, thinking mournfully just how good it felt not to be sick.


	2. A break from the chaos

Chapter Two- A break from the chaos

It was a very still day, without a single cloud in the sky, but there was a definite chill in the air. Shivering slightly, a young nurse pulled her jacket around her more tightly and took a long sip of her hot drink. She looked out into the grounds which were mostly still as well, apart from a sprinkle of patients and other staff members on break here and there. What a day- it had only just begun, but Jess could tell it was going to be a long one.

Everybody was grumpy and grouchy these days, or so it seemed. Things just hadn't been the same after that tragic day- the one which was meant to be the happiest day of Nelson and Kerry's life. The memory still bought Jess nearly to tears; it had been such a horrible, horrible ending to what should have finally meant happiness for the pair of them. She didn't know Nelson well enough to be any sort of support or comfort. She felt so useless in the whole situation; it had also seemed to upheave the whole Emergency Department and put them in permanently bad moods.

This morning had been no different. On top of everybody being very gloomy was Deanna being the worlds biggest suck. It truly amazed Jess that Frank of all people couldn't see through her, to see what she truly was. She didn't give a damn about any of the people around her; only 'looking good' it seemed. Jess guessed it would be only a matter of time before the pair of them clashed; Cate had already had a run in with Deanna and Dan a minor disagreement. Dan. The name caused a slight flutter in Jess's stomach. She didn't like the way that happened; it made her feel uncomfortable and so she always put it into the back of her mind.

It was so excruciating to watch Deanna rise in favour. Jess could already feel her cat claws appearing, and tried to dismiss them. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't like Deanna at all. What was there to like? She was so two-faced, and Frank's pet. But how did she manage to do that to people? She couldn't help but notice that Jack seemed impressed by her too. Jess sighed. There was no point getting bitchy; it didn't look like poor Nelson would return from some time and she'd just have to learn to put up with Deanna.

Slowly, subconsciously, Jess's thoughts turned back to Dan. She didn't know how that happened. She tried hard to convince herself they were just colleagues, mates maybe, and they would stay like that. Why on earth would Dan be interested in her- stupid, worrying, paranoid Jessica? He only saw girls for their looks and nothing else. Besides, Jess thoughts continued, trying to persuade herself, since when was any relationships within the Emergency Department ever even worked out? They had always ended in bad ways. Jess ticked off the bad record in her mind.

Well Nelson and Kerry, that was the obvious first. It seemed that only one of them needed to be in Emergency for the relationship to fail, turn sour or be ruined by something unpreventable. She thought about it some more; Vincent and Charlotte, who had split up years before; Jack and Terri, that hadn't lasted long; Cate and Mac, and then later Cate and Vincent- that brief time together had ruined their friendship and now it was always a little awkward between them. Jess wondered if she should count her own failed relationships in the equation. Even Frank and his ex wife upstairs somehow went towards the figures. And of course, Jess thought to herself, the famous tale she had heard of Terri and her husband, Mitch- who had spent years chasing each other and then when they had finally got together, Mitch was diagnosed with a lethal brain tumour. It all came to the same conclusion; even when a relationship came to a good thing, it wouldn't last long. That was the way it went. There was no point beginning something, Jess thought; something that you would have to end later. It just wasn't worth it.

With a slight sigh to herself, and a sinking feeling in her heart, that she knew all too much of, Jess finished her coffee and left the table, ready to re-enter the chaos. She told herself to forget Dan: it would only end in tears and a broken friendship.


	3. A Normal Beginning

Chapter Three- A normal beginning

It began as just any other day would. It was the beginning of the day shift in the ED, and many of the staff headed sleepily for its doors. Included in this lot was Dan- he felt remotely better after the weekend, but still mentally drained. He had no other options other than to turn up- Frank would murder him otherwise, and besides, he had nothing to do at home. Being in bed for more than a few days got unbearably boring.

He looked swiftly around the car park for Jess, but there was no sign of her yet. With a slight sigh, he glanced over the rest of its occupants; most of them he didn't know, or only knew by face. But then something caught his eye. It was hard for him to contain himself from completely cracking up; behind a tree, was Jack with someone Dan was sure was Deanna. It look like she had cornered him, and was now nestling against his shoulder. Jack didn't look entirely comfortable, and was rapidly scanning his surroundings; to make sure no-one was watching. Snorting slightly in an attempt not to laugh, Dan forced himself to turn away and continue his walking.

Well, that was one he hadn't seen coming! Jack and Deanna. The mere thought of it brought tears of laughter to Dan's eyes. That was one he'd have to save for parties. It was the only entertaining part about Deanna, really. She appeared to have no sense of humour; that single fact made Dan lose any interest in her completely.

"Hey, Cate!" Dan could see his fellow nurse just ahead of him. She'd seemed so downcast lately, which was unlike her: well, of course everyone had been after what happened to Nelson, but there seemed to be something else troubling Cate. She turned around, and on sight of Dan gave a quick smile, which didn't hide the tired lines under her eyes and pale face. This caught Dan by surprise; he hadn't expected to see her like this. Completely forgetting what he had intended to say, there was a moment's silence, before he asked lamely: "How are you?" Cate looked for a moment as though she was finally going to tell someone what was going on, and Dan looked at her eagerly. But she must have restrained herself- with a guilty look like she was lying, she said "Great!" Dan's face must have shown that he didn't believe her, so she forgot the act, and with a slight shrug of her shoulder, muttered: "All right, I suppose." She seemed completely miserable.

A part of Dan urged to push Cate just a little further, to get her to tell him the truth. But he didn't really have the energy or willpower; it wouldn't be a very kind thing to do. If Cate didn't want to tell anybody what was bothering her, then so it would be. Feeling slightly disappointed, he suddenly remembered what he originally was going to say.

"Haha Cate, this is gonna cheer you up! Guess who I saw in the bushes snuggling up with Deanna?" He refused to tell her for the rest of the walk to the hospital building, so by the time they reached the doors, Cate was practically bursting with suspense. "Tell me!" she asked desperately. "Jack," said Dan simply as the pair of them burst into laughter. At that exact moment Jack strode past briskly, looking suspicious and slightly pink, keen not to look them in the eye. This only worsened their hysterical laughter, as Deanna emerged, looking pleased with herself. Not connecting two and two together, she said: "What's all this racket about? Come on, get to work- chop chop!" Barely containing their laughter, Dan and Cate headed to the tearoom, Dan struggling to speak. "Did you see his face? What a classic…" He stopped as Jess pushed past him, out of the room, looking slightly hurt. Completely and utterly bemused as to what he had done, Dan silently opened his locker.


	4. Feelings Exposed

Chapter Four- Feelings Exposed

It was not long after that he encountered on Jess- the pair of them were washing bedpans. He felt terrible and as wondering just what he had done to upset her. When he opened his mouth to speak, she began to talk quietly, though she refused to look at him. "It was nothing, Dan. Don't worry about it."

Determined, Dan refused to give in. "No, Jess, it wasn't nothing. You looked really upset back there- what have I done? Was it something I said?" Turning a slightly pink colour, which Dan could not comprehend, she muttered something about being overtired. "If it isn't that, then what's bothering you, Jess?"

"I told you Dan, it's nothing, all right?" She turned to leave the room. Despairing, Dan grabbed hold of her arms. "Please, Jess, I want to know what's wrong." While she pulled out of his grip and resumed her scrubbing at the sink, at least she was in the room. "Well… it seems like you and Cate were having a good time together back there." Completely confused, Dan said nothing. It was hard to resist the temptation to say 'So?' When Dan didn't comment, Jess continued. "The pair of you seem to go well together." It was a moment before Dan understood, and when he realised what was bothering Jess he couldn't help but laugh. She had got it so wrong! But a second later he wished he hadn't. Though her back was turned to him, Jess's voice was becoming high pitched.

"I guess you think it's funny… I just don't understand, Dan, I thought we were meant to be friends or whatever- perhaps I was wrong…" She turned to leave, and Dan found himself having to think extremely fast. The situation was turning from bad to worse, and this conversation was not going the way he had hoped it to. "Look Jess, whatever you saw back there, you took it completely the wrong way. Cate's just my mate- you know that. We were just having a laugh together, that's all." Thinking the same technique might work twice; he put on a fake joker voice. "Jess, you should have seen it… Jack in the bushes with Deanna…" He broke off. For the second time he wished he hadn't spoken at all. Jess strode out of the room without saying a word, though wiping some tears from her face.

Her head still reeling from what had just happened, Jess took her break early. She strode into the hospital grounds, the cold wind stinging her face. She needed some time to breathe… to calm down…

But no matter which way she looked at it, Jess couldn't find any positive in what had just happened. She couldn't believe the way she had spoken and acted. If Dan hadn't before, he'd hate her now. Stupid, stupid, stupid… why had she had to say anything at all? If Dan was telling the truth, and there was nothing going on between him and Cate, he'd think her completely paranoid. He would also wonder why her, Jess, took such an interest in him. If she had ever exposed her feelings in such a raw and unromantic way, now was the time. She felt completely humiliated. She wouldn't be able to look him in the eye again. He had wanted to know what was wrong… well, if he wasn't completely stupid he'd figure it out. He'd put two and two together- it must have been so obvious. Jealousy about a relationship like that usually only meant one thing. Tears ran down Jess's face. What could she do to improve this? To repair the damage she had just done?

Forcing herself to take deep and slow breaths, Jess sat down on a bench and tried to think.

Dan's mind was hardly on his job. He couldn't think straight. He had been so surprised, shocked even, by what Jess had said that he could think of nothing else. He tried not to let himself jump to conclusions, though his heart beat fast. He could be completely wrong… or completely right.

It seemed Jess had jumped to the wrong conclusion, and Dan didn't want to make the same mistake. He tried to think logically and put the events into order. Jessica had seen him, Dan and Cate, laughing together. Now how could she have seen this? Well, it was a guess, but a pretty obvious one- she must have thought that he and Cate had something going on, romantically. This matter was laughable, but Dan was not in a particularly humorous mood.

Now, what could have caused Jess to think this? More importantly, what had caused her to react the way she did? He tried to think of how most friends would act if they guessed their mate was in a relationship. That was a hard one, as when he had that assumption with Jess it hurt, but then again, she wasn't any ordinary friend. Most friends would be… Then the memory of this morning came to him.

He thought of Jack and Deanna. The whole idea was almost comical. Indeed, it seemed most likely a friend would be secretly grinning- just how funny it was that the pair were together, trying not to laugh and teasing their friend about what happened (as Dan would do to Jack as soon as he got the chance), not walking away in tears and hurt by it. Perhaps Jess was upset because she thought this could affect their friendship- but Dan did not think this likely at all. This left one option- Dan felt his heart race, and tried desperately but failed to not jump to this conclusion. It must mean… it had to mean… that Jess felt the same way about him as he did about her. This would explain the jealousy, the hurt that had appeared on Jess's face. But slowly, Dan's heart sunk. He could be completely wrong, and he wasn't sure if Jess would still feel the same after he had treated her, after how casually he'd considered her feelings. He had laughed at her, laughed at her! What kind of friend, let alone boyfriend, did that?

He couldn't deal with this anymore, not now. Feeling frustrated and like he had caused himself to miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime, Dan shoved all of it to the back of his mind and went to look after one of his patients.

Time was ticking away, and her break was due to end soon. Jess had calmed herself down, and had worked out an action plan.

She would completely pretend the whole thing hadn't happened. There was a tiny possibility that Dan might feel the same way- though Jess completely doubted this- so it was business as usual. She made a vow never to expose such emotion ever again, in such a way. It would be embarrassing and awkward, for a time, but it couldn't be helped. She just prayed that her friendship with Dan could survive.


	5. The Beginning of Change

Chapter Five- Beginning of Change

Nothing went the way Dan imagined it. He hadn't really expected Jess to fling herself into his arms, but then again, he hadn't expected her to completely ignore him, either. He was beginning to wonder if he had imagined the hurt and jealousy in Jess's eyes. Maybe he was the one who had jumped to too many assumptions. Perhaps he was the one becoming paranoid and jealous, as his heart ached while he watched Jess, chatting animatedly with Jack or Vincent.

Even the whole Deanna- Jack thing didn't seem so funny any more. It had lost its appeal. Everything, it seemed, had lost its appeal- food, sleep, TV, even his job. He no longer felt any enthusiasm for it: all it held was heartache. Dan began to wonder if he should move to another department, or perhaps another hospital. It would be hard, but at least it would be better than seeing the girl of his dreams everyday, completely and utterly out of his reach. She wouldn't even look at him anymore, let alone talk to him. Dan thought bluntly he might as well tell her: it appeared there was no friendship there to be destroyed anymore.

It was yet another day, the morning passing with Dan desperately trying to catch Jess's eye, with her absolutely refusing to turn around. It had been fairly quiet patient wise so far. Dan looked around at his colleagues. Cate was once more back to her recent miserable self. She smiled weakly at Dan. He wasn't so sure he should ever even look at another girl when Jess was around: then again, it didn't really matter because she refused to talk to him. She basically just pretended he didn't even exist; sometimes, like he was part of the wall. If anyone else had noticed their strange behaviour, they didn't say it. Everyone was pretty preoccupied at the moment. Dan thought wistfully of a happy, energetic, enthusiastic ED who all got along great. It seemed so long ago- though as things were now, Dan began to wonder if it had ever existed. Maybe he had just imagined it.

The only cheerful staff at the moment was Jack and Deanna, and that was almost sickening. The satisfied smirk of Deanna, the mischievous guilty expression on Jack's face and their smarmy little looks at each other was enough to make Dan want to throw up. What Jack saw in her, Dan did not know. At least Terri had been part human; Deanna was like some weird alien from the Psycho Planet.

The sudden rush of trolleys through the ED doors and the frantic talking of ambos broke through his bitter reflections.

"38 year old man, injured in a workplace accident- crushed under a pole for 40 minutes. Possible broken leg. He was treated on the way for shock."

Before Dan or anyone else had time to take this in, another ambulance arrived.

"36 year old woman, injured in the same accident- she was under the pole for 60mins. Badly concussed, possible head injuries. Was unconscious at the scene."

"Dan, could you take this one?" a frazzled Deanna asked. Dan nodded solemnly. It wasn't like he had any choice in the matter anyway.

The man was wheeled into a cubicle, and he turned and grabbed Dan's arm. "Is she okay? Will Lucy be alright?" Dan followed the man's eyesight to where the woman who had also been involved in the accident was being wheeled in. She didn't look too great.

"Look mate, I can find out for you a bit later, but first of all we need to concentrate on you, all right? For the moment anyway."

When the man still looked anxiously after her, Dan tried to be some words of comfort. "Look, she's with a great team of people. She's in good hands." The man turned regretfully away to face Dan. Before he changed his mind, Dan pulled round the curtains. He started to examine him. The man still seemed really anxious, so he tried to talk to distract him.

"So mate, what happened to you? How come you're like this? They said something about a workplace accident."

The man nodded. "Yeah, we were just on our break outside when one of the buildings collapsed. Apparently the building was old and unsafe, but the company didn't have the money to repair the structure. Apparently the authorities were gonna step in soon, but they didn't bother to tell us employees." He shuffled restlessly. "Look, can I see Lucy soon?"

Dan carefully prised a bandage off the man's leg. It looked nasty. He decided to follow a hunch he'd had since he'd seen this guy.

"Hey mate, is she your girlfriend or something? You seem pretty anxious to see her."

The man gave a nervous laugh. "No way! Are you kidding? She's way too good for me! We're mates, I suppose."

Something came into the back of Dan's mind, but he refused to think about it. Instead, he turned to the man. He had a feeling he had to try to get the subject off this Lucy, as it seemed to make the patient miserable and frustrated. "Righty-o mate, I'm just going to give you something for the pain, and then I'm going to get a doctor to have a good look at you, all right?" The man nodded. Dan looked down at the file in front of him. "David, is it? Ok David, I'll be back in a moment, you just chill, okay?" The man nodded, though Dan could see him peering through the curtains and shifting impatiently.

"Just focus on yourself for the moment- she'll be absolutely fine, I swear." David continued to stare wistfully through the gap in the curtains. Dan wasn't sure if he had even heard him.


	6. World of Unknown

Chapter Six- World of Unknown

Jess sighed sadly as she propped the pillows up behind her patient. Her name was Lucy Peters, and she was only 36- she lay breathing, but motionless, in front of Jess. Apparently she was in a state of shock. The tests were yet to come through and no diagnosis as yet- though things looked dim for her. It was so terrible, as she had so much to live for- a great career, it sounded, and she was so beautiful- her long blonde hair fell past her shoulders and she had big blue eyes the colour of the ocean. There had been another involved; apparently, a workmate- Jess was distracted as her patient suddenly opened her eyes.

She made a feeble attempt to lift her hand. "Where…how…is David all right?" she croaked.

"There, there," said Jess, brushing her hair out of her face. "It's all right. You've been in an accident, and you're in All Saints Hospital now. The doctors are just checking to see what your injuries are, though now you've woken up is a very good sign. Would you like me get the doctor? I can get them to give you something for the pain."

"No…" the woman stuttered. "David… is he all right… that's what's important…" She looked at Jess as though she'd only just noticed she was there. "He saved me, you know. He saved my life."

"Come on," Jess soothed. "Save your breath for now, you're very weak, there's plenty of time for thanking people later, but first you've got to concentrate on getting yourself better."

Muttering undistinguishably, Lucy fell back onto the pillows, once again sleeping soundly. With one last look at her, Jess headed to the desk, where she saw Charlotte.

"Hey, have you heard what the deal is with Lucy Peters yet?"

Charlotte shook her head. "Nope, Pathology are being pains in the butt at the moment- and we can't skip the queue. All we can do is wait. She's stable for now?"

Jess nodded. "Yeah, and she spoke to me briefly, just now in fact, which has to be good, right?"

Charlotte took in Jess's hopeful look. "It might be a good sign, Jess, but it's too early to tell at the moment. She might have an injury that won't take affect for quite some time. We just can't tell."

Curiosity got the better of Jess, as she asked: "You don't have any idea what happened to the man in the accident? David, was it? Lucy seemed convinced he'd saved her."

Charlotte shook her head. "I don't really know, Jess. Jack's looking after him at the moment- it's a pretty good outlook I think, pretty lucky, he might just scrape through with a broken leg. I think Dan's nursing him- why don't you ask him?"

Jess froze for a moment, and she wondered if her feelings were distinguishable from the look on her face. Trying desperately to keep it straight and as if that name hadn't meant anything more to her than just any another colleague, she muttered something about getting back to work and headed into the storage room, leaving a very curious Charlotte in her wake.

Dan looked through his David's file while Jack was examining him. He had no real medical problems; it seemed… no allergies, disorders or family history of illness. Well, at least that was a relief. Dan only half heard what Jack was saying.

"Well David, it looks like just a broken leg like the ambos said, but we'll have to take some x-rays to make sure and then we'll have to get a cast on. All going well, you might be discharged in a few days. We'll just have to monitor you for a while. Considering the circumstances, I'd say you're damn lucky to just scrape through with a broken leg."

David wasn't too responsive to his words, and Jack looked impatiently in the direction David was looking, where Lucy lay. "What is the deal with those two?" he muttered at Dan. Dan shrugged.

"Beats me. He said she's not his girlfriend, but it seems a heck of a lot like it."

"Yeah, well I sort of need my patients to listen to what I'm saying," said Jack, clearly annoyed. "Can't you do something to let him forget her for just a minute?"

Dan wasn't sure if it would work, but it was worth a try. He cleared his throat. "Listen mate, I'll go now and see how Lucy's going, okay? I'll check for you and make sure she's fine, which I'm sure she is anyway- but you need to listen to Dr Quade, all right? It's really important."

Looking slightly happier, David nodded and turned in the direction of Jack, while Dan, true to his word, headed off to the front desk. He read the whiteboard and wondered if he'd have to break his promise- Jess was nursing him, and talking to her about something, anything, at the moment would be almost impossible. But he also read that Charlotte was Lucy's doctor, and she just happened to be on the phone to Pathology that very moment.

"Look, I don't care what your excuse is, but I have a very sick patient down here who is in urgent need of medical attention, and without the results of her tests, she isn't getting any help and is slowly deteriorating. She might die if we don't find out what's wrong with her soon!"

There was a pause as the person on the other end tried to calm what seemed a very fiery Charlotte. Dan wasn't sure he wanted to speak to her after all. He prayed that the woman Charlotte had been hurrying up the results on hadn't been Lucy- it would only make David more agitated if she was in a semi critical condition. As Charlotte slammed down the phone, she turned to Dan, looking surprised and slightly annoyed he was there.

"What do you want, Goldman?" she asked shortly.

"Since when have you called me Goldman?" asked Dan, amazed.

"Since right now, and you're really getting to me as I'm really busy and have lots of work to do."

"Then I'll get it over with quickly then." Dan said coolly. "I was just wondering if you knew what was up with the patient in Cubicle 6, as one of mine is the man who was also involved in the accident and he appears very anxious as to her condition."

"Is he family?" Charlotte asked suspiciously.

"Um… no," said Dan, who hadn't actually considered this possibility, but already ticked it off as impossible.

"Then we can't tell him anything. You know that." She turned to leave.

"No, wait!" said Dan, alarmed at her shortness. "You don't have to give me details, Charlotte, I just want to know if she's going to be okay. He seems to really care about her."

Charlotte seemed to soften slightly. "Well Dan, you heard me just then on the phone to Pathology. We don't really know yet, but it's not looking good for her."

Dan nodded, wondering how on earth he was going to tell that to David.


	7. Questions Answered

Chapter Seven- Questions Answered

Jess felt herself becoming more and more caught up in what was happening to Lucy. She knew it wasn't good to get involved personally, but she could barely stop herself. Of the small conversation she had had with Lucy, it had begun a tiny glimmer of curiosity within Jess. Who was David, and just what had he to do with Lucy? Had he really saved her? She knew in normal circumstances she would have spoken to Dan, but it seemed so daunting- it was so much easier to cut him off completely, as much as it hurt. She felt so humiliated by her own behaviour she couldn't even look him in the eye. It troubled Jess greatly, but she could find no alternative.

It was as she was just leaving to check on another patient when Lucy woke up. She looked at Jess, and even gave her a weak smile. Jess ran to her side. No matter what Charlotte said, Jess couldn't stop her hopes going up. It must be a good sign, it had to be a good sign, that she was talking.

"Hi there Lucy, I'm Jess, your nurse. You might remember me from when you woke up earlier?"

Lucy nodded. "I was just wondering if you could pass on a message for me."

Jess nodded, slightly surprised of this request so soon after she had begun speaking. "Sure, I can do that for you- can I ring somebody for you? Husband or sister…"

Lucy laughed weakly. "Oh no, I'm not married! No, there's not really any family I can ring- my parents both died a few years ago and my sister's overseas."

"I'm so sorry…" Jess began, but Lucy shook her head.

"No, no, I'm not after sympathy. I was just wondering if you could tell David something for me. You've probably heard of him- he's in this hospital as well. I want to thank him. When the building began to collapse he leapt in front and pushed me out of the way just in time. He broke his leg in the process, but if he hadn't done it I would have died instantly. It was such a brave thing to do."

Jess felt curious but was also alarmed to how much Lucy was speaking. Her voice was already straining.

"Wow, he sounds like a great friend."

"He is," said Lucy. "He's unlike anyone I've ever met. We've known each other for years, and he means the world to me. I just wish we could have spent some time together before it was too late."

"I don't understand…" said Jess slowly.

Lucy gave a sad chuckle. "Well, David was always more than a friend to me. From the day we met. We just clicked- you know what I mean? He was everything I had ever wished for. And soon, powerful feelings were overtaking me- I tried so hard to convince myself he was just another mate, but it was useless. I had fallen hopelessly in love with him. And never have I regretted anything in my whole life as strongly as I do now. If only I had been honest, we could have spent months, years together. But I was too frightened that he wouldn't feel the same way. Too afraid the friendship would be ruined. What I didn't realise is that life is short, and you have to live it to the full. You have to be honest with each other, otherwise you just waste your life, dreaming but refusing to allow yourself to fulfil it."

Jess's felt herself shaking, as tears welled up in her eyes. This story sounded all too familiar.

"And now, Jess, here I am about to die, so I'd just like you to pass this message on for me."

"No Lucy, you don't know that you're going to die! You're here, talking to me. You might be perfectly fine! Then you can tell this all to David yourself!" Jess pleaded.

Lucy shook her head sadly. "No, Jess, it's too late for me. But for my final wish, could you tell David that I have loved him all along, and I'm sorry I never told him."

Jess nodded silently, tears trickling down her cheeks.

"Thanks, Jess. I hope that you will remember that too."

There was silence for a moment, and a peaceful time as Lucy closed her eyes. Then, the moment was broken, as the machines surrounding her started going irregular. Alarmed and very shocked, her heart beating fast, Jess shook Lucy slightly. "Lucy? Lucy, can you hear me? Open your eyes." With no response from Lucy, and the machines indicating a very critical stage, Jess tried not to panic and wound down the bed until Lucy was lying completely flat. She hit the alarm near the bed. With no immediate rush of assistance, Jess felt the panic rise in her throat. "Can I have some help in here?" she called desperately. At the moment, Charlotte, Von, Frank and Cate all ran in, looking alarmed and pulling on gloves, meanwhile assessing the situation.


	8. Too Late for Some

Chapter Eight- Too Late for Some

Dan tried in vain to calm down David, who was attempting to get out of bed to see Lucy. "I'm sorry, mate, but you have to lie back down. The doctors are doing the best they can for her."

David refused to listen. He protested and struggled against Dan, who was unsuccessfully trying to lie him down again. "You don't understand! You don't understand!" David said almost hysterically, trying with all his might to release himself from Dan's grip. Thinking it might be better if they talked about it, Dan slackened his grip slightly and asked:

"What don't I understand mate?"

David was nearly breathless. "You… don't… understand… about me… and Lucy…"

Sensing he was finally calming down, Dan let go and closed the curtains. When David gave one final desperate look in Lucy's direction, Dan said softly: "They're doing all they can for her. They're damn good doctors, I'll give you that. But you're not going to help Lucy by risking your own health."

Defeated and exhausted, David lay down. "She was the most perfect person I ever met, you know," he said softly to Dan. It seemed like he needed someone to tell this to, and so Dan sat down next to the bed.

"Would you like to tell me about her?" he prompted.

David nodded. "God, I've had to say this for such a long time. You wouldn't believe what a fool I've been. What a coward."

Dan felt himself open up to this man's cause, and thought sadly of Jess. "Believe me, mate, I've been such an idiot recently, I understand where you're coming from. You probably haven't done anything as stupid as I have."

"That would be disputable," chuckled David weakly. "Well, I suppose I better get on with it. I've known Lucy for years now- just like many other of my workmates. But she was always more than that to me. I always felt differently about her than I did about the others. She started out as just a good mate, we always had a good time together. It was like we understood each other perfectly. I loved everything about her; I loved her way of looking at life. She was someone I looked up to. But also, though I tried so hard to convince myself I wasn't, I was crazy about her. She meant the world to me."

"But I was always too much of a coward to tell her. Too afraid of what she would think, how she would react- too scared of how I'd feel if she rejected me. What I didn't realise was it was worse not telling her. It was killing me slowly, from the inside. I lived my life, and tried to satisfy myself by saying she was just a friend. But it was never enough."

Dan could feel his heart beating faster, as David looked up to him, his eyes sad and hollow.

"Why did I do that to myself, Dan? Why didn't I just tell her? I was too afraid of doing, saying anything- but by doing that I was hurting myself more. When that pole came crashing down on her today, I couldn't think straight. It was like my entire world was crumbling. I tried so hard to save her, Dan, I really did."

Dan didn't know what to say. He couldn't speak.

"And now she's fighting for her life, and I never told her how I felt about her. All those times and opportunities- wasted. My life won't be whole ever again. If only I had told her- perhaps she wouldn't have felt the same way, but at least I'd have known I tried."

Dan felt himself shaking. There was nothing he could say to comfort, console this guy. He was a stranger, but Dan felt as though he had known him all his life. There was nothing to be done for David- but there was for Dan. David looked up at Dan, somehow, miraculously understanding him in that one moment.

"Dan, I plead with you- don't make the same mistake I did."


	9. Running Away From It All

Chapter Nine- Running Away From it All.

It was a shaken ED standing at the front desk at that very moment. Frank looked solemn, Charlotte alarmed, Von pale and Cate upset. Jess looked shocked and disbelieving- it couldn't be true, it couldn't have happened. Her hands were shaking, and she couldn't keep still. Lucy had been there moments earlier; talking to Jess, and seconds later she was gone- just like that.

Charlotte sadly filled out the paperwork. It was very unfortunate and tragic the way Lucy had died. She had had a sudden brain hemaridge, completely unexpected and non preventable. They had tried their hardest to save her, but it had been too late. Whether or not it was related to the accident none of them knew. It was unnerving the way Lucy had predicted her own death- as a terrified Jess had told them, it was almost as if she had known it was about to happen.

"It is pretty weird," a shaken Cate said. "How could she have known though? It's seems impossible."

"I've heard of patients doing that before," said Charlotte, looking down at the papers in front of her. "It is unnerving, but perhaps some people can just predict when they are about to die. We'll never really know."

As Dan walked up to join them, he could tell by the faces the worst had happened. "Oh no…" he said softly. "What am I going to tell David?"

They all turned towards him. "Did you ever work out what was the deal between those two?" asked Jack, clearly curious. Dan felt so angry at Jack, for his bluntness when talking about David's feelings for Lucy- they were anything but blunt, they deserved more respect than idle curiosity. But then he remembered that Jack wouldn't have any idea or understanding of David's situation. Jack was forthcoming; he told it like it was. If he liked someone, he'd make a go of it, and if it didn't work out, well, he'd move on. He didn't know what it was like to agonise, to worry about things like that. He didn't know what it was like for the Davids and Dans of the world. It wasn't his fault.

"Well, he was absolutely crazy about her," said Dan bitterly. "Only he never told her, and now he's going to regret it for the rest of his life."

There was a stunned silence at Dan's outburst, before Jess, not able to stop herself, cried: "No! No, that can't be true, it can't!" When everyone turned, wondering what on earth was going on, she explained. "She loved him as well, she did all along, but she never told him- just before she died, she told me to tell him she was sorry she never told him! It was the final thing she said, with her last breath…"

Dan felt shocked, as the others looked startled by just how involved Jess appeared to be. Deanna, trying to get some control on this situation that was going seriously out of hand, said: "Well, yes, it might all be very sad but we have to keep it together and try our hardest not to get involved personally. We have other patients who need our attention so we just have to get over what's happened and get back to work."

There was another shocked silence, before Jess, having had enough emotion for one day, broke away from the group and ran down the hallway, tears streaming down her face. Frank looked annoyed at Deanna's tactlessness.

"For God's sake, Deanna, give the poor girl a break." He looked around at them all. "Now, if anyone minds, I'm going to go and try and comfort one of our staff members who is very upset." With that he marched off, leaving one surprised bunch of people. Deanna was shocked that Frank hadn't backed her up and had undermined her authority, while the others startled by Jess's behaviour. Dan merely stood there, hearing David's words over and over again in his head. _Don't make the same mistake I did._


	10. Now Or Never

Chapter Ten- Now or Never

"Wait… Frank!" Dan called after him. Frank turned around. "What is it, Goldman?" Dan paused, unsure of what to say.

"Frank… would you mind if I go and find Jess?"

Frank looked mildly surprised. "Oh all right, then Dan, I suppose so- do you have any better idea than I do about what's going on with her?"

"I think so," said Dan, which was perfectly true. Frank snorted.

"Well you'll probably do a better job than me- it's almost the end of your shift anyway. Just make sure she's okay, all right?"

Dan nodded. He thought it was nice Frank cared- he didn't show his soft side very much at all, and it was always a surprise when he did. His heart beating fast, Dan set off in the direction he had seen Jess going. He wondered if Frank had guessed how he felt about Jess. But that wasn't really important anymore. He had to tell her, if it was the last thing he did. What had happened to David and Lucy proved that.

He was out in the hospital grounds now, swiftly moving his head around, looking for that long, dark hair he knew so well. And, as his heart leapt, there she was. Jess. She sat on a bench, her head in her hands. Dan took a deep breath. No more putting off, delaying or trying to persuade himself he felt differently. It felt as though his whole life lead up to this moment. It was now or never.

Jess's shoulders shook as she gave out heart wrenching sobs. It seemed like her world as she knew it had completely collapsed. She was weeping for Lucy, whose short life had ended so suddenly, and who had never heard that the man she had loved all along had felt the same way for her. She was weeping for David, the man she had never met, who would spend the rest of his life in regret and dreaming of what could have been. And Jess was weeping for herself, too. Her colleagues would never see her the same way again. She would be lucky not to be given an official warning for leaving during her shift. And, of course, for the whole situation with Dan- Jess was fed up of the longing, heartbreak and unknown. If there had ever been a time she had so strongly wanted to tell him the truth, it was now.

But he'd never feel the same way back. The way Jess had been behaving lately, she wouldn't have blamed him for not ever wanting to talk to her again. But something, deep inside her heart, told her now was the time. There was no going back to the pretend, the constant refusal to recognise her own emotions. She had gone too far, risked too much, to go back now.

Dan was shocked and terribly upset to see the state Jess was in. She looked so miserable, so hurt, his instinct was to wrap his arms around her, to tell her everything would be okay. But he didn't know where to begin, or what to do. He only knew of his determination to say what he had avoided all this time. He forced himself to take another step towards the hysterical Jess, whose face was hidden. It was breaking his heart to see her like this. "Jess…" he said tentatively. She looked up at him.

"I… I…"

Jess just looked at him. She didn't tell him to leave her alone, to go away. She just looked at him. The tears had stopped flowing now, though her eyes were still very red. The showed such an inner aching, such hurt, that it shocked and almost frightened Dan. He took a deep breath, and did something his heart had been longing, waiting, for, for such a long time.

"Jess, I… I don't know where to begin. I have something to say, which I should have said a very long time ago. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, and I know you're probably really mad at me, but I plead with you, just hear me out. You can leave, or abuse and kick me as much as you like afterwards. But please, just hear me out."

"Dan!" Jess sobbed. "You're the one who should be angry! With me! I've treated you so badly these last few days, I'm so sorry, I know there's no excuse for the way I've acted, but it hurt me too- well, the truth is…"

Jess voice trailed off. Her courage failed her. Dan stood still, completely shocked by what Jess had just said. It took him some time to react. No, it couldn't be true- surely Jess didn't feel the same way? He tried to put his mind into straightforward motion- to say what he'd longed to say for all this time.

He sat down on the bench beside her. Her pale hand lay across the table. His instincts telling him it was the right thing to do, he picked it up in his own. It was cold and tense, though Jess didn't pull away. That had to be a good sign. She looked at him expectedly, longily, as though she had been wishing to hear this for a very long time.

"Jess, since the day I met you I thought you were amazing. I think you're beautiful, sweet, smart and funny- to me, you are perfect in every single way. I loved becoming mates with you, having a good laugh- sometimes at other people's expense- comparing patients and, of course, a whole load of gossip. I learnt to like and know everything about you. You fast became my closest friend, the one I valued above all others."

"But there was something else there, something I refused to recognise or acknowledge. But before I knew it, it grew stronger and stronger, until it began occupying my mind day and night, refusing to go away as I wanted it to. But today's events made me realise something. You can't hide from yourself, or others. Life is too short for that. So, Jess… the truth is… I'm in love with you."

The words had come out of his mouth before he could stop them. He looked at Jess, waiting to see what her reaction would be- would she be mortified, embarrassed, vowing to never speak on this matter again? Or perhaps she would slap him? How she did react was completely unexpected- on the contrary, her face lit up, and she looked joyfully happy.

"Oh… Dan…" was all Jess could say.

And then she kissed him.

Numb with shock, it took a few seconds for Dan to react. It was as though his wildest dreams had come true. He felt Jess's cold lips pressed on his own. She came up for breath.

"Dan… since the day I met you, I've been crazy about you. You were everything I had ever wanted. But I never spoke of it; too afraid you wouldn't feel the same way- yet what happened to David and Lucy showed me you should live your life to the fullest. No denial or refusal to follow your heart. But, Dan, I didn't expect you to feel the same way- I thought there wasn't a chance you'd like me of all people!"

Dan couldn't believe his luck. It was all still sinking in. "Me neither," was all he could say.

This time when he felt Jess's lips on his own, he was ready, and kissed her back.

THE END


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